Relationships

When I paint anonymous people, imagined narratives run through my mind about their lives. The stories help me to sense emotions, posture, elements in the composition, and I trust what emerges from my paintbrush and materials. In this particular work, an individual (intentionally ambiguous in terms of gender) is seeking connection through a dating App. Other guests in the background of the café are sociably engaged in conversation. The lone subject is longing to join with another, to be known, be seen, be heard… valued – human desires for meaningful connection with another in making the choice to ‘swipe right’. 

Seeking Equanimity

One of my favourite meditation practices is to walk life-size labyrinth installations in nature. These contemplative journeys take me on a  spiralling path towards the heart of the structure, and then the return journey back out again. Along the way, I observe changes in my awareness of breathing, moods, surroundings and physical condition. Often, the experience of walking the path brings about a shift in perspective or an answer to a lingering question. Mostly, I feel calmer and more alert with heightened senses.

During a period of Covid lockdown indoors, I began creating these smaller renditions of labyrinths as a meditation exercise. The whole process of gathering the materials, carefully measuring the scale of the circles and pathways and experimenting with textures of the paints was soothing and grounding for me during periods of emotional turbulence.  

Who Am I?

After a 6-year hiatus from painting, my first work was this self-portrait, created as a symbolic promise to myself to begin again. Who was I at that point in time – what inner voice needed to be expressed? For set-up, I posed in front of my Zoom screen on the laptop where the self-image reflected back to me was all too familiar from hours of teaching every day online. Screen fatigue, Zoom apnea, and Tech overwhelm had evolved into normal vocabulary usage at that time.

The self-portrait that emerged was my window looking out and away from the screen time and into a world of bright colours, blue sky and plant life. A soothing contrast to my urban apartment indoor existence, working hunched over a screen most days. It revealed my longing for  a more balanced life.

What might you discover right now if you sit down and create a self-portrait? Even a quick sketch may point to something… a glimpse of your inner landscape in this snapshot of time.